The event happened years ago. In fact I could not remember the actual context of the event and what was the learning is all about. What I can still remember was my ex-boss sitting next to me with a sneering smile in his face and said ” I told you so…”.

As leader giving feedback is one of the paramount thing that we need to do. Reflecting on that word I realize how damaging it was to the person’s motivation to work. In order for our Hand to work our Head needs to know and our Heart need to concur. I vaguely remember that I made a mistake at that time and I have promise myself that I will rectify it as I’ve already gotten the learning and for some reasons my ex-boss decided to come out from his corner office and do the “I told you so…” act.

It brings no value other than for someone’s ego. My promise to rectify what I learnt suddenly shattered I don’t recall what I need to do. What I can remember is how upset I am being treated as if I could not draw the learning independently.

Now I am wiser a bit (I think) whenever I am about to give feedback to someone I would always put the person’s development on top of everything. If he is able to get the learning without my help which I probe during our dialogue , I would say “That is an interesting way of looking at it and I learn more about the situation better, thank you.” No matter how eager I am to say “I told you so” I bite my tongue although have to admit there are times when my tongue can come out faster that my biting.

A beautiful quote from Maya Angelou to remind us as leaders.

‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’

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